WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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