Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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