i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize