I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
