i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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