I'm going to jail i love you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize