I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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