Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
