We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
