I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
