R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
