so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
