If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize