I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
