well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
