You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
