i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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