she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
