The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
