I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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