My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
