Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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