Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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