think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
