it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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