I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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