Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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