Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
