Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
