remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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