i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
