just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
