I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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