The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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