You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
