Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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