the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
