it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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