I could have mohawked her pubes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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