PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
