My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
