I don't think brook has ever known best
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
