umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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