I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
