Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
