Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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