Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
