I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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