It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
