You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the gays at disneyland are vicious
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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