Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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