Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
