me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
