Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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