But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
