roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
