i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
