you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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