why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
