Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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