I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
