Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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