I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
