I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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