those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
