Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
