Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
