he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
