I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
