Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
