Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
