He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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