hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
