god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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