help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
