She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
