I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
