Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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