Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
