He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
