wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
